I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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