I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
