"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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