Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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