Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
