Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
