dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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