i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
