Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Quick, to the slutcave!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
