Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
