if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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