his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
