we have pet lesbian snakes
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
