Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
