He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
