Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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