He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize