we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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