why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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