She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
one might say we're banned from that church
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
