get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
