Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
