great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
