She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
