You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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