if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
