Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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