Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i love accidental penises.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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