Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
