Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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