A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
