He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
