so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize