woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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