the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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