Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
