stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
