Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
