it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
