what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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