apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
