jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
