Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize