So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
