I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
