I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I understand Curling. That high.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize