Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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