you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
