I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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