And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
