It's Friday. Sex?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
