im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I believe in your delicious
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
