he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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