Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
