mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
