Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
