I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
