You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
