Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
