I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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