How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
