I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
