I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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