I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
