just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
